Domestic Violence
"I crept downstairs because I heard arguing. Dad was standing over mum kicking her. I made sure that my sister did not see, but we still eard. When mum came upstairs, her nose was bleeding and we all cried, we stayed there until dad went out."
- Domestic violence teaches children to use violence
- Violence can affect children in serious and long-lasting ways
- Where there is domestic violence there is often child abuse
- Children will often blame themselves for domestic violence
- Alcohol misuse is very common when violence occurs in families
- Pregnant women are more vulnerable to domestic violence
How does it affect children?
Domestic violence is a crime and a major social problem affecting many families. In 90% of reported domestic violence incidents, children have either been present in the same or a nearby room.
Children who witness, intervene or hear incidents are affected in many ways. What can be guaranteed in many ways. What can be guaranteed is that children do hear, they do see and they are aware of violence in the family.
Children will learn how to behave from examples parents set for them. Domestic violence teaches children negative things about relationships and how to deal with people.
For instance:
- It can teach them that violence is an acceptable way to resolve conflict
- They learn how to keep secrets
- They learn to mistrust those close to them and that children are responsible and to blame for violence, especially if violence erupts after an arguement about the children.
Many people find it difficult to understand why people remain in or return to violent situations. A combination of fear, love, the risk of homelessness and financial issues can make it very difficult for partners with children to leave and some may not want to.
Short term effects:
Children are affected in many ways by violence, even after a short time. These effects include: feeling frightened, becoming withdrawn, bedwetting, running away, aggressiveness, behavioural difficulties, problems with school, poor concentration and emotional turmoil.
Long term effects:
The longer children and exposed to violence, the more severe the effects on them are. These can include:
- A lack of respect for the non-violent parent
- Loss of self-confidence, which will affect their ability to form relationships in the future
- Being over-protective of parent
- Loss of childhood
- Problems at school
- Running away
If you are worried about domestic violence, discuss it with someone else.
If you are violent and have children, you can seek help to stop what is happening.
If you are a victim you can apply, without the need for a solicitor, for a Non-Molestation Order in the Family Proceedings Court.
If you would like details of solicitors in your area who deal with family law, contact the Law Society on 020 7242 1222 or look in the Yellow Pages.
Warning Signs
Any violence between adults will negatively affect children. Seek support and help as soon as possible. The longer it lasts the more damaging violence is.
Action
Report your concerns about yourself or someone else to the police. If you are worried that your child might be affected, talk to them about what is happening. Spend time together talking through worries they have.
What to Say
Children need time to discuss the feelings they might have about violence. Children need to know that it is not their fault and that this is not the way relationships should be.
Prevention
A violent partner can take resonsibility for violence by seeking help to stop. Make sure that you offer a positive role model for children so that they learn other ways of behaving
Contacts
- Gwent Police 01633 838111 (In an emergency 999
- Womens Aid Blaenau Gwent 01495 220180
- National Domestic Violence Helpline 0808 200 247
- Gwent Victim Support 01633 254091
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